It's pouring rain... It's pouring rain. That is not a figure of speech, if you will. The implied meaning is of course, both figurative and literal. Will I drown in this wave of implosion? Or does every cloud have a silver lining? All that sounds so cliché-ridden. But that is the essence of drama. Such is the life of a true thespian. That is what life is all about, I guess. 

My day started out surprisingly sanguine.  I kid you not. Today is hopefully the last of all my mid-term papers. This one turned out better than Biochemistry, even though I effectively had only Thursday night and Friday morning to prepare for it. That's not a big issue in itself... But guess what? The little devil that is my microbial genetics lab report decided to show up and condemn me even more. And good ol' smart me decided to sleep early last night and start studying in the morning. Big mistake. The report totally slipped my mind. And it took up more time than I had anticipated. Nothing is easy, especially when you're an obsessive compulsive perfectionist. It took me one whole morning to finish 4 slides, and I could have finished the remaining 8 slides... If it weren't for the god-forsaken lab report. The lab report took up all my remaining time, and left me with less than half an hour to go through 8 slides. Slides that I have not read through. Not one bit. I thank god that one of my friends was able to drive me straight to the examination hall. A big thank you to you. Heaps of love.

This first semester has not been a friendly one, I say. Not one bit. It feet as if one event is followed directly by another. I am literally swamped with incessant tasks. But who am I to complain? Who chose to take on so many things all at once? Me. Who's the one who tries to do everything solo? Me. Me, me, me, me, me.

Trust. Perfectionism. Procrastination. Over-confidence. These are the qualities in myself that I do not particularly like. I hate that I find it hard to trust others with important things, especially things like lab reports and shared assignments. I usually end up doing things myself, without sharing the burden. I hate that I have to make sure every single thing is perfect in my eyes, right down to the most insignificant detail. Nothing in the world will ever be perfect, no matter how hard a person tries. I hate that I procrastinate. I hate that I leave things to the very last minute. I hate that I think the stress and adrenaline of an approaching deadline will push me further in productivity. I hate that I'm often confident. Too confident, perhaps, that I let it blind me. Let myself be blindsided of the importance of preparation. Call me dramatic if you like, but that's exactly how I feel my life is. I hate that I'm consistently under the eyes of vultures. Vultures circling and waiting for me to slip up. Vultures waiting to swoop down for the kill.

Maybe I should have believed what others have told me. It will only get harder and harder to maintain a first class CGPA. Should I give in and focus on my results? But then again, what's university life without a few challenges? Do I want to have a invigorating and colorful university life? Or do I want to be the studious, lifeless undergraduate? I believe a person should always be balanced. A science student does not have to shun the arts. An arts student does not have to feel confused by science. I am thankful that I am a mesh of both. I am thankful that I'm artistically inclined. That I take interest in things such as proto-psychological temperaments. Things such as music and drama. Why should I limit myself to an imaginary box? Who set the boundaries of life? I thank my parents for giving me free reign of my life.

Which brings me to the actual topic at hand: Life. Life should never be boring; it should never be anticipatable. That's what I'm trying to do with my life. That's what I want to be able to tell people I've experienced. I want to be diverse, dynamic. That's the main point of this blog. My life is paradox in itself. I may be studying genetics, but don't generalize me as only a disciple of science. Just because we are science students, or arts students, doesn't mean we do not have a multitude of talents or antipodal interests. We are singers, we are inventors, we are dancers, we are writers, we are actors, we are doctors, we are designers. We are who we want to be; we are who we choose to be.

I guess we can all assume that this is what life is supposed to be like. Filled with ups and downs. Ins and outs. Smiles and tears. Victories and defeats. What's life without a few bumps on the road? I guess what I'm trying to say is: it is the experiences, the defeats and the mistakes that make us grow. What more can we do, but to mend our torn wings? I'd rather be the free bird with weathered wings, instead of the sheltered bird with perfect plumage. I know. I'm trying to paint a picture literally, but give me some slack. I like my melodramatic analogies.

Life may tear me down, but I will always rise back up. The past will always be the past. But the future is mine to behold. It's time to let go of regrets and move on. It's time for the caged bird to fly. To discover newer boundaries and horizons. Now it's on to the next... On to the next.